Translation Monster: How the Cullens Die
by AcidicCookie and ScrapPancakes
Summary: All joke. No insult or serious emotional injury intended. We wrote a story translated it into another language and translated it back. Totally hilarious, so we wanted to share it with you. Once again, no offense intended.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Scrap Cookies and Acidic Pancakes here! We wrote a terrible story of how we think the Cullens should have died as a joke. Then we auto translated them to different languages and back to English. It is so funny we thought we should share it with you guys! This is a crack fic. All spelling mistakes are…given to us by the translator… Peace.**

How the Cullens Die

The old woman called Bella. She married Edowadokaren, the baby they called Renesme. Renesme had some kind of evil demonic forces that make you see how people "shit", she is passing.(Eng – Japanese – Eng)

_**What we originally wrote: Once upon a time there was a woman called Bella. She married Edward Cullen and they had a baby named Renesme. Renesme had some sort of evil demon force that makes people see what kind of "shit" she was going through. **_

Renesme married a hot werewolf named Jacob Black. Jacob Black, but the fantasy Renesme mother. Therefore, the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, Bella. Edward does not approve it, because he tried to kill Jacob. But Emmett pushed out of their own side, there is a competition between wrestler. Emmet, of course, competition, but then suddenly Bella said: "you fat bitch!" (Eng – Chinese – Eng)

_WWOW: Renesme married a hot werewolf named Jacob Black. However Jacob Black fancied Renesme's mum. Therefore, bella is a MILF. Edward did not approve of this and he tried to kill Jacob, but Emmett pushed him aside and demanded an arm wrestling competition. Emmett, of course, won the competition but suddenly Bella shouted, "Screw you, fat whore!"_

Emmett was very insulting. White snow in the woods, he met a girl ran away. Snow white girl in the world, decided to attack him. My father was an astronaut money. His eyes went circley. Rather, the smell of manure, he eventually landed on. Naruto came to him, he ate the chakras. Naruto and Hinata is very intense was decided to stop the violence. Naruto is very sad because nobody loves him now, so he committed suicide ... (Eng – Korean – Eng)

_WWOW: Emmett was rather insulted. He ran into the forest and met a girl with white eyes. The white-eyed girl decided to punch him into the next universe. Emmett flew into the next universe. His eyes went circley. Emmett landed on a pile of Cowpat. Naruto came to him and his chakra ate him up. Naruto became quite fat and Hinata stopped stalking him. Naruto is now very sad because nobody loves him anymore, so he committed suicide. _

Hinata was very pressured her staring at Emmett with her Byakugan and her lines pop out Emmet emmett flex his muscles in the face because it reminded her drilling him mad in the forest. She flies to death and Emmett grinned and walked towards Gaara Gaara to see him, he signed a thumbs - up and walk out into the mud Pikachu. (Eng – Thai- Eng)

WWOW: Hinata was very stressed as she glared at Emmett with her Byakugan and veins popped out. Emmett flexed his muscles because she reminded him of the girl in the forest. He punched her. She flew to her death and Emmett grinned. He notices Gaara walking towards him and Gaara gave him a thumbs-up sign and stumbled into the mud. Pikachu came out.

Pikachu came out of the mud and thunder and lightning, he recalled was his use of the red ppyamreul. At first, the electric strike, hit two against one, but then they fight. However, was stuck in emoteueun cowpat. gaara the sand egg rolls Pikachu decided to morph into the case. Picard was rolled up in pancakes, dancing steam. gaara, the Naruto world, the global dominance of electricity, so Gaara died, I had forgotten the egg. (Eng – Korean- eng)

_WWOW: Pikachu used his red cheeks to summon thunder and lightning. The electrical attack stunned Emmett. He and Gaara decided the team up, however Emmett was stuck in the cowpat. Gaara turned into a sand egg thing and attempted to roll over Pikachu. Pikachu was steam rolled into a pancake. Gaara forgotten that, in the Naruto world, lightning dominated earth, so the egg died. _

Emmett is a lot of people heard screams and cries for his help. Men shouted, pointing his direction was. He tried to dig a successful farmer who droppings. Monster came out ugly suddenly homeless transsexual gay - it was Guy. The city is big and strong wind gusts pushed stink like cow dung and dry earth. The tree had been dug Appuemitto suspended in the air. Then Emmett shot dead hobo. (eng – Japanese –eng)

_WWOW: Emmett screams for help and many people heard his cries. Men began shouting and pointing to his direction. Farmers tried to dig him out of the poop but nobody succeeded. Suddenly an ugly homosexual transsexual hobo monster came out – it was Gai. Gai farted so big and strong a gust of stench that pushed the earth and cowpat. Trees were dug up and Emmett was suspended in midair. Then Emmett shot the hobo dead. _

Once free, his father's life, body Gaara money (eggs) hung on. "Noo, my loved one!" Gaara, did not respond. Our days and nights he wept money. gaara, the sky, I heard him.  
"Who the hell is that?" Gaara, very angry, he said. "He's an idiot wake me up to keep the same voice."  
gaara him to shoot lightning decided to request the clouds. Oblidged clouds and very painful death emoteueun died. 1 dead, My God in heaven, I met Gaara.  
"My love!" Emmett cried happy, and his heart soared.  
"Damn! Come near me in!" Gaara away who was pushed down to hell Emmett. (eng – Korean – eng)

_WWOW: Once free, Emmett ran to Gaara's lifeless body (and egg). "Noo, my loved one!" Gaara did not respond. Emmett cried for many days and nights. Gaara, in heaven, heard him._

"_Who the fuck is this?" Gaara said, very annoyed. "He keeps waking me up with his stupid voice."_

_Gaara decided to ask a cloud to shoot a thunderbolt at him. The cloud oblidged and Emmett died a very painful death. Once dead, Emmett met Gaara in heaven._

"_My love!" Emmett cried happily, his heart soared._

"_Fuck! Stay away from me!" Gaara pushed Emmett away who fell down to hell._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, I'll just do this one. Scraps, your next! Crossovers here. Twilight, Harry Potter.**

Translation Monster: How the Cullens Die

Deathday: Edward

**Edward, like the whole world knows, is a 100 year old virgin. Therefore, it is really saddening, Edward, to the rest of his life, Mickey is resolved. He finally an adult - and married two women I met Bella. ****They had a baby. ****Their baby, Renesme rather teolyihago was named after the mother of the couple. ****One day, Edward is busy hunting cougar suddenly something caught his eye ... (ENG – KOR – ENG)**

_What I Originally Wrote: Edward, as the whole world knows, is a 100 year old virgin. This is truly saddening and therefore, Edward resolved to being emo for the rest of his life. He finally met a manly-chick named Bella and the two got married. They made babies. Their baby, Renesme, was rather hairy and was named after their mothers. One day, Edward was busy hunting for mountain lions when suddenly, something caught his eye..._

**This was Jacob! ****Emerged from the bush tomato flavor Jacob and his silly, shaggy vampire approached. Edward pinched his nose and said, "Back off, irrigation bag!" Jacob ignored him and turned into a wolf. ****"Prepare to die!" Jacob growled. The raid he was quick to bite the vampire Edward too. ****He threw the wolf from the mountains. Dusting off his hands, was stopped by Edward Bella has a very fat go back go hunting. (ENG – JAP – ENG)**

_WIOW: It was Jacob! Jacob and his stupid tomato smell emerged from a bush and approached the hairy vampire. Edward pinched his nose and said "Back off, douche-bag!" Jacob ignored him and morphed into a werewolf. "Prepare to die!" Jacob growled. He pounced and tried to bite the vampire but Edward was too quick. He threw the wolf off the mountain. Dusting his hands off, Edward proceeded to go back to hunting but was stopped by a very fat Bella._

**"Matter how you do it?" Bella asked. ****Edward shrugged and said: "I just lost a mountain of your ex-boyfriend ... why?" Bella angrily, into a giant, single eyebrow Bowling Ball. ****"Die, you son of a bitch!" She introduced themselves, made speed. Edward, too slowly, which is based on the weight of her huge crush. However, he, survived this, she looked at Bella rock smash into a 1. Her head bleeding, and she fell into a coma. Edward continued to find his own mountain lion, do not care. (ENG – CHI – ENG)**

_WIOW: "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" Bella demanded. Edward shrugged and said "I merely threw your ex-boyfriend off a mountain… why?" Bella fumed and turned into a giant, mono-browed bowling ball. "DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH!" She rolled herself and gained speed. Edward, too slow to react, was crushed under her immense weight. He however, survived this and watched Bella as she smashed head-first into a rock. Her head bled and she fell into a coma. Edward continued to find his mountain lion, carelessly._

**Edward stopped the boy with the glasses again. The boy was Harry Potter! ****Harry Potter has brought an electric shaver instead he started shaving his hairy vampire cause he was angry. "I'm off!" Edward did not want to hear from Harry Potter ordered. He is certain until all the hair was gone the next five days, Harry has continued this. ****Edward was now very hungry, so he ate the face of Harry Potter. ****Suddenly, cold atmosphere of the dramatic response that was more than Voldemort! (ENG – JAP – KOR – ENG)**

_WIOW: Edward was stopped yet again by a bespectacled boy. The boy was Harry Potter! Harry Potter was rather mad that he had bumped into a hairy vampire so he took out a shaver and began shaving him. "Get off me!" Edward ordered by Harry Potter did not listen. Harry continued this for the next five days until he was certain that all the hair was gone. Edward was very hungry by now so he ate Harry Potter's face. Suddenly, a dramatic cold windy atmosphere hung over him and Voldemort came out!_

**Voldemort down, press Edowadovorudemoto 483,972 miles away swoop. Edward began his amazing ability to laugh is the most attractive person that he is alive. He did not realize what was bothering him dead mountain. ****Edward is divided, and Bemuhante death. Edward died it. (ENG – KOR – JAP – CHI – ENG)**

_Voldemort swooped down onto Edward who punched Voldemort 483972 miles away. Edward began laughing about his amazing abilities and declared that he was the sexiest man alive. What he did not notice, however, was a mountain lion stalking him. Edward was torn into shreds and eaten by the lion. Edward, therefore, had died._

**Sorry for the not as hilarious story here. I guess I have not much skill in the "random" topics.**


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